My ex is engaged, getting married soon. This week I have seen friends, acquaintances and obhservadores have changed his Facebook status. (Damn Facebook!). I knew that one of these would find in the Face of my ex a state change in their relationship. It's stupid not to see him do years, although part of me always thought I could have married him. It's so silly. I know that if he read this one might think, "poor girl, is crazy. "I'm just a silent stalker. is a strange feeling when an ex gets married or matches. It makes me think I'm going to have to drink lots of sips of colors and mourn a little, not because I care or hurt me but because I'm far far away to stand in white in a church.
guess he finally be able to be with a girl that does not confuse left with right and you can have tea with her mother. (Oh! living God obsessed with mothers and tea).
All are married, get together, and here I separated, I fight, but I befriended me separately and without the slightest fucking idea what will happen in my life. I I'm here without being able to move forward or back. Stupid stuck in this bubble I've created.
I guess all this has to do with my insane jealousy, with Lula and her new baby, with Fer and more than a month of living and their upcoming wedding, me and my dreams thrown into the garbage. With all the "poor" people should do that for me in the last 3 months.
Everyone has become a man before me. Again I'm a fucking heart under construction. My life had to be like that guy and I had to be you celebrating a commitment now. My life had to be so calm and happy, with the track. The university, the thesis, expertise, hard work, the account savings, car, apartment, the boyfriend of a lifetime, the requested hand, the ring, the wedding. No, not because the aircraft have boyfriends, or one-night, or taken back, and strange sexual practices, or pillows for three, or extreme drunkenness or madness. There have been due slapping, punching, kicking, sent to hell, persecution as Bonny and Clyde, long conversations with your mother. They have not because you have so many tears, nights alone, single sessions, pregnancy testing alone, imaginary children not knowing whom. There had to be a fucking birthday waiting for a phone off, 70 cell phone calls. All those things were for me. Miguel I'd say I chose the road somewhere. I decided each of them. And I would not have enough valid arguments to refuting what he says.
My ex will marry and be happy with a pretty girl, prettier and more normal than me. Less dramatic and haunting me. No couches or sleeping pills or tears or psychosis with phones. Without extra kilos or circles or a blog. Without so much failure.
Maybe it's just my envy of the happiness of others, of a kind not seen for years and not even greet me if I cross the street. Maybe it's just a representation of all the times I could decide change all this by the possibility of being happy. At what moment changed my way. At which point the daughter no longer wanted my parents and the perfect bride would fit well in any family. At which point I decided to go crazy and still do not know here doing stupid with my life.
certainties
All I had on my life and my happiness. All the dreams we had gone through a tube. If I'm still here and if it is because I never had the idea that happiness could never thought I could experience it. Now that I know exists and I can not do more to aspire to what we had, but know that it was all a lie and that I will never to be happy until I decide not afford it. The other is to choose who can help me build this happiness, but for me and for this heart to build the concept and became very weird and twisted. Happiness for me now is just wait and stupid little things, which almost always never get outside of that I have almost no faith and hope. To defy fate, maybe I can win 1% of the lottery in which I've gotten to play.
Pd. I forgot to say that ex is Will.
